why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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