Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Terrible idea I love it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
