my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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