Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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