I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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