it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
