so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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