I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
