The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
pray to the hookup gods
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
