So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
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Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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