I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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