I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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