Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
