is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
