I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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