my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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