If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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