pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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