Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
