Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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