Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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