I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
