You can't motorboat a personality
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
not ubering you a puppy
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
