I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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