Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
