It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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