I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
