I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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