The maid of honor just puked.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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