normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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