I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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