ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize