um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.