Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.