sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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