it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
