GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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