Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
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