What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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