He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
