FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
