McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
