Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
