just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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