Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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