Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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