dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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