im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
