I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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