I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
