And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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