Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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