its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
