I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Randomize
