I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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