You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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