Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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