you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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