is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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