rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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