I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
