if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
