this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
