I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize