I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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