So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
